My dad walking me down the aisle.
What is marriage? Why do we marry? Why do so few Christian marriages go the distance? How is your marriage different? What advice to you have to share with those who are considering marriage or those in any phase of marriage?
Marriage according to Mirriam Webster's first definition is: 1 a (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.
I remember when I was in graduate school, my Sunday School teacher, mentor and friend, Carolee Loar challenged our class of young singles to consider what marriage was and write out our definitions. I took the assignment seriously and wrote a great deal. I spend a long time this evening looking in vain for that piece of paper that I kept somewhere safe... Maybe someday I will find it...
Marriage was a frightening prospect for me back then because I was terrified of failure. I had seen too many marriages end badly and wanted to avoid that for myself even if it meant never marrying, but at the same time I wanted to be married so much. I wanted to be loved and to be special to someone. I spent a lot of time praying about marriage and for a possible future spouse and for several young men I hoped would fill that role at various times.
Next month Rick and I will celebrate our eleventh anniversary. We married on the 50th anniversary of my grandparents.
I've read some challenging books about marriage in the last year by Gary Thomas and I highly recommend them to anyone who is married or considering marriage. Sacred Marriage and Sacred Influence are both powerful books that have the potential to change the way we think about marriage. For more info check out my Reading Room Blog - do a search with Gary Thomas' name or the titles of the books mentioned. Consider this quote, Gary shares this quote in Sacred Marriage, "If we view the marriage relationship as an opportunity to excel in love, it doesn’t matter how difficult the person is whom we are called to love; it doesn’t matter even whether that love is ever returned. We can still excel at love. We can still say, “Like it or not, I’m going to love you like nobody ever has.”
Randy Alcorn, a favorite author of mine, shared some of his thoughts about marriage on his blog because an assistant of his married this weekend. Check out his post here.
Let's all spend some time praying for our marriages and the marriages of those who are dear to us. Marriage can be wonderful, yet it can be the most challenging thing we'll ever experience. Storm heaven on the behalf of marriages everywhere!
20 comments:
You are such an adorable couple! Thanks for posting your pictures. Also, thanks for the post on marriages...so many are falling apart, it's good to know there ar some learning to grow and work through the tough times. I am reading a book "The Making of a Marriage" which has several excerpts from various well known people. It's always good to do a recheck and see what else I can do to make the relationship of a lifetime continue to grow. Thank goodness for God's Grace...it works in marriages also! Bottom line for us...commitment and grace!
Thanks for your words of wisdom Carol! You are a gem and I appreciate all you share!
Good post! And I love your wedding pics. :) I've heard good things about those Gary Thomas books; I'll have to add them to my reading list!
My piece of advice for those considering marriage is to get good pre-engagement counseling! Often if you wait for premarital counseling, you have tunnel vision cos you're focused on making it down the aisle so you're not willing to seriously discuss major issues. Pre-engagement counseling is often a lot more effective.
My husband and I have been married 35 years--a really, really long time. (;> I guess my advice is, forgive as if your mate were going to die soon. With that attitude, you don't hold onto petty or even serious grievances.
Hi Faith - thanks for stopping by :) Your advice is terrific. I used to do individual and family counseling before starting my family and I agree whole-heartedly with pre-engagement counseling. One time I had an engaged couple break up in my office. It was heart breaking, but necessary. The good news is that after working throough there issues they later married.
Definitely check out Gary Thomas' books - they are in your face and to the point - not fun reading, but good reading. I have his new book, The Beautiful Fight from our library and plan to start reading it soon.
QOTW - Your advice means something because you have 35 years of marital experience - what an accomplishment in this day.
Forgive - great advice! Sounds like something Jesus would say :) Thanks!
43 years and still going strong - I am so happy I married - oh, whats her name? Mama, thats it!
43 years - you have the record so far :) Hey where is your advice... Share something...
Robin - my advice? I am a strong opinionated man. This is critical - communicate - men need to learn to communicate to the tune/level that his wife wants and needs. Not their own level, the wife's level. What's' funny about that - is its really, really simple. Just ask her, listen, and then talk - you, the wife, need to encourage, not demand, but coax and coach, make it comfortable for him to speak to you. Mama, in 43 years, has NEVER - NEVER hollered/yelled/or screamed at me - and she certainly has had reasons. She has told me when I have hurt her - and we have learned to talk about that. She is not afraid of me - she is strong.
Mama sounds amazing :) You too of course :) Thanks!
Hi Robin, I think I'll blog my thoughts on marriage. For those of you who don't read my blog, my best advice is humor. Find something to laugh about, especially yourself. Don't always be taking yourself so seriously. My grandmother spent 94 years of her life a happy woman and I believe it was because she was never offended, was never afraid of hard work and was always looking forward to tomorrow. Be blessed today.
Congratulations on 11 years of marraige. We will have our 49th in Sept. Marraige is a committment - no matter how you feel at times. Marraige is a three cord strand (Ecc. 4:12) with the wife, the husband, and God. That gives it a strong bond.
Blessings.
Life Adapted - Great words of wisdom - I think laughter helps diffuse potentially stressful situations at times. There have been times when I could have lost it, but laughed instead and it helped everyone. I need to laugh more I think we all do.
Wow about your Grandmother - how neat!
Ruthie - I meant to respond to your comment last night, but got side-tracked...
Thanks for your words of wisdom. Wow on 49 years of marriage! You have much to teach us! Yes, I agree marriage is a commitment and commitments don't give up when things get tough.
Your husband looks sooo familiar. Where did he go to school? Did he go to Pacific Coast BBC by any chance? He just looks like someone I have seen before. Hmmm.
Nice photos also. :)
Hi Julie - no he went to James Madison University.
Thanks :)
Hope you are enjoying your visit with Kay and your mom and family!
On Monday, it'll be 17 years for us. My best advice isn't mine. A magnificent man who spent decades married to the same woman who looked at him as though he wore shining armor and rode a white horse right until he went home to Jesus. Pastor Marshall Stewart officiated for us at our wedding, and he did our pre-marital counseling. I only remember one thing he said, but it is absolute truth.
"Marriage is not a 50/50 relationship. Marriage has to be 100% all the time because sometimes his 100% will only get him out of bed, and you have to meet him there, and sometimes her 100% will be spent kneeling over a toilet, and your 100% has to hand her a wet washcloth. The only way marriage will work is if you meet each other where the other one needs you, and you can only do that if you give 100% all the time."
And that, my friends, is Marshall Stewart's way to keep his eyes shining and her heart full. It works pretty well here, too.
Thanks Jerri! Great advice! Thanks for sharing with us all! You wedding sounds like it was special. Happy 17th Anniversary to you on Monday - sounds like a milestone to me :) Congrats!
Beautiful bride ~ Beautiful!!
Thanks Mel :) Our anniversary is this week!
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